Oh, maybe I forgot to mention the first fuckup? I wanted to give it a little something to cook in besides oil. So I surveyed the kitchen and it went something like this: Vanilla soy milk? No, too sweet. Coconut milk? No, did that a few days ago. Olive oil? No, too much oil? Mustard? See that Sriracha? Ketchup? Too easy? Balsamic vinegar? I think I read that vinegar goes in Asian cooking, what the hell why not... oh whoops that smells not like what I'm trying to cook at all. Oh well, add some sesame seeds, turn off the heat, mix one more time, and serve.
It actually tasted great - I think the vinegar mostly cooked off because the heat was up a bit. Should you cook it? Probably not. You aren't me.